This post doesn't have much to do with my Mormon background. But it's an update since it's been a while since I posted anything. The past several days, I've found myself falling back into a not-so-wonderful pattern of retreating into myself. It's been something of a coping strategy during my life. I don't like how I feel when I do this, but it's familiar. I've done it less often the past three years, but I still find myself recognizing I'm doing it about three days or so into one of my hermitage sets. I think I'm coming out of it now. I was reading some of the blogs and discussion boards I follow, responding to some emails, checking up on some friends. And here I am blogging again.
I'm a pretty social person. Even during these retreating periods, I still talk to friends and other people. I even wrote up some draft blog posts and worked on my book project that's been languishing. But during these times, there's a palpable sense of loneliness that casts quite a shadow over my soul.
I have a lot going on in my life right now. There's a lot in flux. And I'm probably (as usual) over-analyzing everything and being overly cautious about decisions and opening up to people. I just have to remind myself how lucky I am and how many people I have in my life with whom I share really strong bonds of trust and love.
I understand the strategy of "retreating into [yourself]". It is one I often employ. My New Year's resolution this year was actually to reach out to other people more hence, the blog and actually going to things I am invited to...
ReplyDeleteI also understand being overly cautious and over-analyzing things though I will say that I am finding people to be more trustworthy than I ever expected before.